Friday, August 14, 2009

Burn Out

I'm burned out.

This is how I feel - or maybe like this

There's not a doubt in my mind. I'm tired, unmotivated, a general sense of malaise surrounds me, I feel like going to a Dunkin' Donuts and eating 24 double chocolate donuts, AND I have very little desire to ride.

Burn out is stealthy. It always starts off as an ever so slight sensation that things might be a little off-kilter. You chalk it up to lack of sleep, or needing to eat better but these only provide temporary relief. Then life starts to feel a bit... stale. When I finally started to take notice, I didn't feel like riding anymore - my motivation was pretty much gone. This is a telltale sign of burn out and, unfortunately, when recognized, it's already at an advanced stage.

Not sure what to do now. Here I am, at the beginning of my second cross season, I should be excited as hell. And, in some ways, I am. But at the same time, the thought of throwing my leg over a top-tube of any kind (cyclocross or otherwise) doesn't even register a blip on my anticipation meter. Doesn't seem like I'll feel like it in the foreseeable future.

Looking back, it's not that my riding volumes were exceptionally high or that intensity was too much. I think for me it was more a mental thing. Too many expectations in too many realms of life. Oh and I'm pretty sure it doesn't help that my work is basically a legalized form of torture. Something akin to Chinese water torture, where it gradually wears you down until you loose all will and leaves you a broken, battered husk of your former self. Good times.

Note to self: focus what little energy you have left into a possible job change.

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